Last week I began a new semester of college, in addition to my regular busy life. I’ve been a full time college student for a year, and while it was challenging, and stressful, I was able to complete each semester successfully, and even managed to enjoy the majority of my classes. I’m not so sure about this semester. I’m a perfectionist and have ridiculously high expectations for myself and this semester will completely challenge that. I’m taking half of my classes through Ferris, and the other half through LCC, and surprisingly it’s the LCC classes that are already giving me the most difficulties. Nothing is worse (of COURSE there are worse things, but at the moment, in my own little universe there isn’t) than being a 40 year old adult taking a science class with a group of 20 year olds and immediately feeling like a complete idiot. This is the first time in 2 years where I have truly and honestly considered just quitting. Do I really need this degree? Do I really need the MLIS? Do I really need the increased debt? Do I really need to take 4 days each week away from my family? Not to mention all of the time spent studying? 10 hours per class is what the instructors say.
No. I don’t NEED to do this…But I WANT to. I want this. I can do this. I’m so much better than this self doubt and Mom guilt. I need to get over the worry, the perfectionism, the feelings of inadequacy and just do this… no matter how hard, how much time it takes, or what I have to give up to do it.
I CAN do this.
*Thanks to my friend Eryca for sharing the quote from Ann Voskamp…it steadies my soul ❤️