16 years ago

My life forever changed. I became a mom.

This beautiful, gentle, sweet and loving soul entered our life.

It was a terrifying first week but he was a fighter and here we are… 16 years later.

He is funny, sarcastic and so very smart.

He is our throwback music kid, a fan of all things the 80s, classic rock, and playing his guitar.

He is a quiet, gaming, Nintendo fanatic, and a bookworm. His (my) copies of Harry Potter are worn to tatters from repeated readings.

He keeps me in the loop for current events, sharing his newfound opinions and thoughts as a seeker for social justice.

He has the biggest heart.

He still has that little boy smile.

Happy 16th birthday my not so little peanut.



Last week I began a new semester of college, in addition to my regular busy life. I’ve been a full time college student for a year, and while it was challenging, and stressful, I was able to complete each semester successfully, and even managed to enjoy the majority of my classes. I’m not so sure about this semester. I’m a perfectionist and have ridiculously high expectations for myself and this semester will completely challenge that. I’m taking half of my classes through Ferris, and the other half through LCC, and surprisingly it’s the LCC classes that are already giving me the most difficulties. Nothing is worse (of COURSE there are worse things, but at the moment, in my own little universe there isn’t) than being a 40 year old adult taking a science class with a group of 20 year olds and immediately feeling like a complete idiot. This is the first time in 2 years where I have truly and honestly considered just quitting. Do I really need this degree? Do I really need the MLIS? Do I really need the increased debt? Do I really need to take 4 days each week away from my family? Not to mention all of the time spent studying? 10 hours per class is what the instructors say.

No. I don’t NEED to do this…But I WANT to. I want this. I can do this. I’m so much better than this self doubt and Mom guilt. I need to get over the worry, the perfectionism, the feelings of inadequacy and just do this… no matter how hard, how much time it takes, or what I have to give up to do it.

I CAN do this.

*Thanks to my friend Eryca for sharing the quote from Ann Voskamp…it steadies my soul ❤️

So many thoughts…

so so so many thoughts in my head tonight. Random ramblings…

Eating healthy… but can I please have some chocolate?!

Getting active-can I really do 6am yoga 1x a week?! Is it ok done something just for me when I’m already working and going to school full time?

Redoing my school libraries (yes… libraries… I have 2) So many ideas!! Not sure where/how to start!! I want to be a finisher… not just a dreamer/big idea talker.

Am I doing enough for my students?

Full time (14 credits!!!) this semester starts on Monday…3 nights and every other Saturday will be spent in school… and the homework!!!

So many books I want to read but so many textbooks!

Am I doing enough for/with my own kids?

why was I sick the entire break?!? I need another week at home with my family. More sledding and snuggling and movies and lazy on days.

Will I ever have a grasp on time management?

Will I ever be organized?

Will I ever finish cataloging and processing my new library books?

What am I going to do with my classes this week? What books will I read? What can I do different to connect better?

I wish my boys still wanted to be tucked in and read to.

Did I read to them enough?

Am I expecting too much or not enough from them?

Why does my brain do this to me? Always anxiety filled when I have extra time. Will a regular schedule help?

3 nights away from my family every week! That hasn’t happened in years! Not since my retail days… 2010? 2011? A long time ago.

Will it be worth it? How much will I miss out on? Do they really understand? Are they really ok with it? Is it worth it? Maybe I’ll quit until they’re out of school…2024? But I’ll be done by then too if I keep at it…